PAST INSTALLMENTS

March 27, 2001

I know that probably no one will read this, but this is a good way for me to express situations and events that are currently going on in my life. I am listening to The Cure's "Disintegration." I think it is a good CD and I have been really into The Cure as of late. They say that one is the loneliest number. I tend to agree and disagree with the following statement.

Julia

January 21, 2001

Perhaps someone said once that the New Year brings new hope and renewed comfort and content/joy/happiness. This is how I feel as I enter into the new year. I feel a little better about college, and plans for the future. I am probably going to end up at the university of washington next year, and I hope that I will be able to get in. I am also probably going to switch my major. I do not really see anything for me in a communications major, and I am thinking about other majors such as art history or psychology. I don't think I will mind going to school in my hometown. It will be a fresh new start. I will be sure to add more later here, for I cannot think of what to say at the moment.

Julia

December 29, 2000

Well, here is the next installment. I am using my dad's crappy comp right now, but it will work for at least a while for me to type this I hope. I had a good Christmas. It was nice to spend it with my family and such. I also got the coveted guitar, which is what I wanted most for Christmas. I got lots of practice ahead, but I am up to the challenge. I do not mean to sound depressing, but for me each year, it seems that Christmas looses its true meaning and luster. Maybe it is the overcommercialization of Christmas today and it mainly being about what we get others. I do not see any emphasis on the real celebration for Christmas I believe (or the the true meaning of Christmas at least for me), and that is the birth of Christ. All of these days all I hear is about how Santa Claus is coming. Doesn't the birth of God's Son have any importance? I guess not in this ever decreasing religious world, and it makes me feel weird. I feel that every year Christmas is losing its meaning due to the loss of religion in the world and especially with the commercialization of the holiday. That is also with most other holidays. Mother's Day was a holiday created by Hallmark fifty years ago probably just to sell more cards. Have humans in some ways forgot the true meanings of many of the holidays that we celebrate throughout the year? Do we make some of them (ie Fourth of July and Labor Day) what I call "just another excuse to get drunk" holidays? It just bothers me. I also think that Christmas is about spending time with loved ones and such, and that means a lot to me. I won't go any further with this subject. They say that perserverence and hardwork pay off. I believe that recently these have been true for me. I was shocked and amazed tonight when I went to see my grades. My freshman year in college I had received a 3.93 semester GPA and a 3.94 cumulitive GPA. All those late nights I spent and all the hard work was worth it. I wanted to work hard to the goal of entering into the Honors College at WSU at the end of the semester. I have reached this goal, and I am glad that I have achieved the goal I set out for myself six months ago. When everyone was out partyign or just having fun, I was studying. It might sound nerdy, but college for me is about learning and expanding my knowledge, as it is for many people. The partying lifestyle is not for me and that has never something that I have really been into. If you are into that stuff, it doesn't bother me and it is okay for you. I don't know. I just don't really like the atmosphere of casual sex, drinking, and smoking pot at WSU, but what did I expect going to the 10th biggest party school in the country. Simply put, as I have stated before, it was a mistake for me to go there and not where I need to be. Not much is going on with me. I have just been hanging out with friends in town, and I went to a really good concert last night. I saw Waxwing, one of my favorite bands, and that was cool to see them along with two local hardcore bands, The Bloos Brothers and Akimbo. There were SO many people at the concert, it was awesome. I had never been to a concert at the venue (The Paradox) when there had been that many people there. I am also trying to let go of things that have to me recently, painful things I guess. Trying to move forward from them and learn from them and learning about life. Getting over things and people. It takes me longer than most. I am weird like that. It is just that scenario when you think you meet the right person or someone you connect with, and then things go wrong with it or they don't like you. Or also you fell like you screwed it up somehow. This seems to happen to me a lot, but oh well. I just laugh it off now because it is pointless and funny. I am just trying to figure things out for myself right now. I just need to be me. The circumstances and the places where I living currently don't support that. Being in Seattle would help I think to a degree. When I went to that show last night, I fitte in. I don't fit in college. Sure, I have met people similar to me, but they are few and far between. I spend much of my time alone. It sounds pathetic, but it is my life and I deal with it. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I think that I have talked far too long. I do not have any plans for New Years. I will probably just sleep or something. More installments to come soon. Take care.

Julia

December 18, 2000

Here is a new installment into the mind and life of me, Julia. Well, I had my finals today, and I am done for the semester. I studied hard for them, and overall, I felt that they went well. I am glad to be done and glad to be coming home for three weeks. During that time, I will be reading three books (H.G. Wells, Thomas More's Utopia, and another selection I can't remember off the top of my head), continuing work on my web page and starting my Waxwing fan page, seeing old friends and new ones, and going to shows. The usual (or maybe something a little more). I just realized that since the advent of me having a t3 internet connection at WSU, I have amassed a MP3 collection of 1,651 files. Most of these I got from friends off the network, other people's ftp fites, and other areas. That is way too many for my 20GB hard drive. I can't bear to part though with all the great music (I think) on my computer. That is on top of the 60 tapes I own and over 230 CDs. I have actually lost count of the CD's I own. Top that off with about 20 assorted 7", 10", and 12" records, that is a pretty big music collection. Let's just say I spend way too much money on music. I was going to go to a get together with the girls on my floor tonight upstairs, but I decided that I would rather relax and listen to some music. I am also doing some updating. There is not much to update you on that has been going on with me currently. I have been talking more with some of my high school friends, and that has been nice for me. I hope to see a lot of them over Christmas break. I am still dreading the wheat fields snow of Pullman and am looking forward to those bright city lights. I was thinking about music the other night (back to music again), and I just realized that numerous people do not realize that there is SO much good music out there that is not played on "mainstream" or "top-40" radio. There is so much more out there than what is fed to us by the media. Teeny bop, teeny bop, over and over againg. Processed, pre-packaged garbage. It seems also that artists can "sell-out" a lot faster these days. I feel that people who are "ignorant" are missing out, but I or one can not be blamed for being ignorant. It is the discovery of amazing music that is exciting, and stuff that I love (the discovery of music in general). I was listening to Juno and Waxwing yesterday (two great Seattle emo bands), and I was just and amazed by their talent and artistry. These bands don't get major airplay, but that is not to say that their music and albums are not amazing. They are. I am just saying that we do not have to take what we are fed by the media, and that we can choose to see and hear what we want. (That is the idea of selective exposure, retention, and perception if you took Communications 101 at WSU). We can take that choice or leave it. I like to think that I take that choice not to take what I am fed by the media when it comes to music, but this idea of spoonfeeding by media is not always avoidable. We are bombarded by media wherever we go, especially with advertising. I can't even access my own web page and not have an ad banner pop up every time (but then again that makes it free). On to another subject. I could go off on that, but I think I have elaborated enough. I also came to the realization the other day that I can truly say that I have never done any drugs in my life. That is a good feeling to me, and one that makes me think. I hope that I have made positive choices in my life for the most part, and I guess that statement could reflect that. It may also be pretentious to say that, so I will leave it at that. There is one update I guess I could divulge on. I am an art history/architectural history nerd, and this semester I took an Architectural History 220 class. I loved it. Building on that, I am thinking of taking a World Art History class to build on what I have studied this semester. I am still not sure yet. I have just been overall thinking about a lot of things lately, and just where I want to be and where I want my life to be. That is about all I have for now. Thank you for reading, and divulging into the mind and life of Julia. Oh, and if anyone cares, I have a new email address at xgalapogosx@yahoo.com. More installments soon. Take care.

Julia

December 13, 2000

So this is a little new section I am starting. I will update this frequently. Just let you know what is currently happening with me, and just thoughts I have about things that are currently going on, or just anything that comes to mind. This one will be the first of many, so be sure to check this out. I am listening to Mogwai right now, pondering next week, for I have my first college finals. I am actaully not that stressed for I only have two finals and they are on the same day, so I will hopefully be leaving early next week. I am still am not sure though. I am hoping that al my Christmas presents will arrive before I leave to. There hasn't been a whole lot going on with me lately, other than jsut keeping really busy with school. I have managed to make this web page. That is one thing. I am excited to be going home. I honestly don't know how much more of Pullman I can take. It snows here a lot now, it's cold, and there is nothing to do. Enought for me to want to see the bright lights and allure of Seattle. Although I know that my view of home will never be the same. I already experienced it when I went home for Thanksgiving break. I felt like so many things had already changed in the few months I had been gone, and they had. It was an eye opening experience. I do miss home though and miss being able to do the things I used to do. I don't know if I can get used to the idea of being in the middle of nowhere and not being able to do the things I want to. Simple things like going to a concert or going indie record shopping. I got to do that when I was home, and I loved it. I miss being connected to music in some way, and I am also looking forward to going to plenty of shows, when I get home. I have faired okay at college, but I honestly don't know if WSU is the place for me. It has also been hard to keep in contact with friends, and since I have been here, I feel that I have lost a lot of the friends I once held so dear. People who I truly connected to and could relate to. I do have some friends here, but that circle is small. I feel lonely here in some ways, and isolated from the things I once used to do. I have had problems with friends here and being caught in the middle of conflict. Something that I thought I got away from when I left high school. I guess not. Most people here party, I don't. The food here sucks. I got food poisoning the other day from the food and was up most of the night sick. Where do I go from here? I am not sure. I am jsut trying to find my way in life, and that is hard for everybody. I just think sometimes that it is harder for me than most, and as I grow older, I feel that I have less and less friends and that I live my life alone. Or at least inside of me, in my heart. That is getting a little too personal though, and I won't get into that. I think that is about all I have for now. Have a good Christmas and Happy New Year!

Julia

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